Category: Bartending

Ever been served a neon green “apple” martini garnished with a “cherry”? UGH!

Forget the fact that the cherry is a bleached, carcinogenic, nasty tasting blob. What I want to understand is how does a “red” CHERRY compliment a green APPLE (liqueur) martini?

I’ll give you a hint… It doesn’t.

I guess they both use high fructose corn syrup and cancer causing food colors, but the similarities end there. The garnish is one of the first things the guest sees when presented with a cocktail and yet is often regarded as a tedious afterthought.

Here are my five criteria for properly garnishing a cocktail:

1) FRESH, FRESH, FRESH- Even if you’re using fruits or herbs that have been infused in syrup or alcohol it must always be fresh. By the way, the word fresh does not apply to wilted herbs or blemished fruit slices. Fresh, looks better, it tastes better, it smells better… enough said.

2) RELEVANT- Your garnish should either directly mirror, compliment or intelligently contrast the other ingredients in the cocktail. Screwdrivers get an orange garnish, Lemon Drops a lemon wedge with sugar rim. I respect a Cosmopolitan garnished with a lemon twist (lemon vodka), a lime wedge (fresh lime juice) or even syrup soaked fresh cranberries (cranberry juice). For the purist, Dale DeGroffs recipe calls for a flamed orange peel which greatly intensify’s the aromatics of the Cointreau (orange triple sec).

3) FUNCTIONAL- Your garnish MUST SERVE A PURPOSE. Adding a pretty flower to a drink adds to the visual, but unless its edible and contributes to the aromatics or balance of cocktail, it has no business in the drink. A cinnamon stick can double as a swizzle stick (if cut to the right length) and if you are going to add a slice of fresh lime, make sure its a wedge, never the wheel. The lime wheel looks gorgeous, but ultimately serves no purpose. If a guest tries to squeeze the wheel into their drink to add a little acidity, the best they can hope for is 4-5 drops of fresh lime juice and sticky fingers.

4) BEAUTIFUL- Notice that this is NOT my first criteria. Yes, a garnish should always be beautiful, always. However, it should have equal importance to the items above. Many bartenders will add a garnish to their drink simply because its required without giving thought to its visual impact. Moreover, the garnish should be beautifully consistent. If you are serving three of the same cocktail, the garnishes should all look virtually identical in size, color, shape and orientation on the glass (2 o’clock relative to the guest).

5) PROPORTIONAL SIZE- The only thing more annoying that a huge grapefruit wheel hanging over the lip of a thin chimney glass is a tiny lime sliver perched on the rim of a wide martini glass. Your garnish should look visually proportional to the size of the glass that you are using.

It’s time professional barmen embrace the garnish. It’s not a chore, its not an afterthought. The key to consistency is mis en place. If you cut your garnishes in advance of your shift (and keep them moist and fresh looking) you should be able to consistently kick out garnishes in volume. Of course if time permits, nothing makes a better impression than cutting a garnish fresh right in front of the guest.

To TIP or not to TIP? That is the question!

I heard a story today about a woman who ate at a restaurant, then left no tip along with a note explaining that she was on a fixed income. Most readers have a very strong opinion on weather she was justified in her actions. For those of you who think she is in the right, would it make a difference if I mentioned that she was seventeen years old? Either way, read on…

First and foremost, lets define our terms. What most Americans think is a TIP is actually a gratuity. A gratuity is an optional compensation added onto a check at the end of a service experience to say thank you for your time and effort. Whereas, a TIP literally means To-Insure-Promptness and is given upon arrival at an establishment to the person you want to look after you (an upfront bribe of sorts). Once we adopt the right word, the inevitable debate ensues… how much gratuity is appropriate? 10%? 15%? 20%? More?

It is important to note that with fifty different states in the USA, their are fifty different laws that govern the minimum wage for the service industry. In Washington state, for example, they are discussing a minimum wage of $15 per hour. Many residents of that state are complaining that since servers would then be getting a living wage, gratuity should be eliminated all together.

New York, on the other hand can legally pay its servers only HALF of the national minimum wage. When I opened PER SE restaurant in 2004 they had a Service Compre policy, the price on the menu was the price you paid (plus tax). I received a handsome hourly wage and was not allowed to accept extra.

Thanks to Ronald Regan and his TIP-TAX law, the federal government has declared that (at the individual states discretion) tipped employees may be paid 50% of the national minimum wage because they supplement their income with TIPS (yes… I mean gratuities, but I didn’t write the “TIP”-TAX law). Further, the law assumes that all ‘TIPPED’ employees are making at least 8% gratuity and must pay a minimum tax on that 8%. And while most servers make more than 8% gratuities annually in extra income, they are legally obligated to report the extra it to the IRS.

Getting back to our cheapskate 17 year old. She would argue that because the gratuity is optional and she can’t afford it, then she shouldn’t have to pay extra for the right to eat there… and in fact, legally, she would be right.

HOWEVER, when you leave a zero gratuity you are FORCING your server to pay 8% taxes on ZERO INCOME which by anybody’s standards makes you inconsiderate to say the least. So yes… gratuities ARE optional and you should always leave at least 8%… UNLESS you genuinely have a good excuse. For example, YOUR server was blatantly insulting or rude (and not because you left a zero gratuity). Even then, many servers pool tips or must tip out their back server or busboy. Why should those other workers lose gratuities because your server stinks? And, more importantly, why should you have to fork over extra dough for a bad experience?

I have a suggested solution. Applying my 30 plus years in the industry, here is my personal rules on leaving a gratuity:

Leave 0%: for the most extreme cases where a server was obnoxiously rude or insulting. I leave them nothing WITH a complaint to management. If you don’t complain then everyone thinks you’re cheap and no lesson is learned. Most people HATE confrontation and hate to complain, but if you simply leave, some of the more oblivious bad servers will think you are a cheap bastard. And once you walk out the door, the details of your service are generally forgotten (so don’t bother calling to complain when you get home).

Leave 0-8%: for lazy or apathetic servers who have an attitude or just don’t care about the quality of their work. Again, if you just walk out the door without letting a manager know why you gave a poor gratuity, they think you’re the ass and spit in your food if you ever come back (not that I ever did).

Leave 8-15%: is for bad service where the server was trying but failed. If they are new or incompetent it’s true that you shouldn’t have to suffer, still they are trying. Have a heart and leave a little something so they are not literally paying the government to learn their less-than-minimum-wage job.

Leave 15-20%: for good, unobtrusive service where any complaints you may have about the restaurant have nothing to do with the service. I have met many customers who reduce the servers gratuity because they thought the manager or ambiance was bad.

Worse, I know a lot of people that vehemently think their server should be entertaining to get a good gratuity. Really? News flash: Servers are in the Customer SERVICE Industry not the ENTERTAINMENT Industry (although we all know a waiter or ten who is an actor on the side). If you are entertained, BONUS, thank them accordingly by leaving an extra gratuity.

Leave 25%+: On the rare occasions when the service exceeds expectations along with a compliment to the manager on the way out. A compliment means just as much to a great server as a complaint does to a bad one.

Finally, for those of you out there with a legitimate fixed income. I get it. I used to be a poor student living on broccoli with garlic sauce. However, I suggest that if you can’t afford 8% on top of the check, then you simply can’t afford to eat there. Can you eat there legally? Yes, of course. Are you a bad person if you deliberately go into a restaurant and can’t afford a minimum gratuity… yes, you are. And that goes double for you penny pinching millionaires our there who don’t tip on the wine service when it is properly done… you know who you are!

Don’t agree? Tell me why?

There comes a time in every bartenders career when you are forced to give a guest the ole Heave-ho! Cutting a customer off who has reached their limit is always a stressful experience. In the last thirty years, I have seen just about every incarnation of those who have failed to drink responsibly- from the happy drunk, the talkative drunk, the flirty drunk, the loud drunk, the sleepy drunk, the verbally abusive drunk and the most feared of all… the violent drunk.

It forever amazes me that bartenders who actively over-serve their guests, become indignant when the guest behaves poorly. Worse is the bartender who treats their inebriated source of income with distain or actively embarrasses them while kicking them out the door. If you truly embrace the philosophy that the customer should be treated like a guest in your own home, what kind of jerk ridicules a house guest, takes their money and then yells at them to “…get the hell out and don’t come back!”

Make no mistake, if someone becomes verbally or physically abusive to you or your fellow staff, all bets are off. Just like a drunk behind the wheel of a car, they must ultimately take responsibility for their actions. However, the bartender must never forget that we have both an ethical and legal responsibility to make sure that the guest leave the establishment in a relatively sober state of mind.

Here are some tips that I have gathered over the years for cutting a guest off:

1) DIVIDE AND CONQUOR- Not all bartenders have the luxury of having a manager on duty throughout their shift. However, if you have one in the house, take advantage. It is a sign of strength to ask for help, plus it is actually the managers job to deal with guest issues. They may give you grief at a later time if they feel you over served, but a good manager will discreetly isolate the guest, have them pay their check and get them to leave without embarrassing them or drawing attention to the other guests.

The object is to get a drunk to step away from the bar where the manager can chat with them in relative privacy. A good bartender will brief a manager on an unruly guest and then act as a distraction to the other guests so as not to draw attention.

2) KILL THEM WITH (GUINUINE) KINDNESS- The key to handling any drunk is to AVOID confrontation. When cutting someone off, rather than bluntly point our that they are drunk, chum up to them by DISCREETLY asking them if they would like a cup of coffee on the house. Most drunks instantly sober up at this question. It is a universally accepted, non-confrontational, accusation. They will often ask you directly (in shhh-hushed tones) if they are acting a little drunk. The best response is to GUINUINELY smile, lean in close and whisper right back that they are fine, but that you are looking out for them and just want to make sure that they get home safe.

With out accusing them of anything, they will almost always infer that they are drunk and that it’s time for them to go home. All you did was be hospitable and offer them a hot cup of Joe. If you ask in a sarcastic or irritated tone, be prepared for a snarky retort that can quickly escalate. GUINUNE kindness is the key (even if you’re seething on the inside). Many bartenders are stirring for a confrontation when a guest is being an ass… if so, they are in the wrong business.

3) HYDRATION IS THE KEY- If an intoxicated guest orders another round and you don’t feel comfortable serving them… don’t. It is actually the law. No manager or owner can fire a bartender for refusing to over-serve a guest. Still, if you are in that predicament, some diplomacy is still called for. If a manager green lights another round, a bartender should make the drink and serve it to the manager with a tray and POLITELY request that they serve it to the guest. Good managers will always trust the bartenders opinion, a bad manager will think twice about asking you in the future when the guest they serve staggers out the door and they realize that they just assumed the liability.

If you can’t 86 a guest or they just aren’t getting the hint, take their order and serve them a glass of water instead. Water DOES NOT make you sober faster, it just buys you time. When the guest inevitably asks “what’s this?” Lean in and, with a friendly demeanor, tell them that they looked thirsty and you just wanted to make sure they feel as good in the morning as they do right now. Again, presenting yourself as the good guy who is simply looking out for their best interest. Most, drunks will thank you outright and even shake your hand. More often than not, they never get around to buying that last drink and in rare cases, they will wait enough time that your feel comfortable serving them one more. Serving a guest water is a hint, not a statement or an accusation. Non confrontation is the key.

4) NEVER TOUCH A GUEST- Ever! In all my years as a bartender, I only once physically manhandled a guest out the door. Two guests had gotten into an escalating yelling match when I interceded and separated them. I made eye contact with the lesser drunk and he quickly understood to sit back down and that I would take care of the problem. I then politely escorted the first back to his table on the other side of the bar and in a calm reassuring voice suggested that he should let the incident go, stay on this side of the bar and enjoy the evening with his friends. As got back behind the bar, I could see him making animated gestures from his seat when he suddenly stood up and marched back towards his nemesis. Without hesitating I jumped over the bar and locked his arms behind his back before he could blindside the other guest. I marched him to the door (with the manager and other bartenders in tow) and once outside, we collectively 86’d him for life.

Even though that incident worked out for the best, I made three critical mistakes in that scenario, any one of which could have cost me or the bar the liquor license, a major lawsuit or worse. First, I should have informed a manager and cut him off at the first signs of aggression. Second, I unleashed an angry drunk upon the city. He may have gotten behind the wheel of a car, picked a fight in a neighboring bar or gotten a weapon and come back to finish what he started. The third and most dangerous of all was that I physically laid hands on the man. If he woke up the next day with a sore neck, he could easily have sued and won. A good lawyer would have blamed me for over serving and then crippling his client. Juries are not often sympathetic to drunks unless they feel that the establishment was negligent to begin with.

In the many years since that night, I have had plenty of aggressive drunks pass through wherever I happened to be working. Yet, since that day, I never touched a guest without their permission and I have never had an argument blow up into a full blown fist fight. Many bartenders reading this might well say that I have been lucky and that these things happen beyond the bartenders control. I suggest to them, that there was absolutely no luck involved. I was prepared, alert, anticipated trouble and took active steps to diffuse situations before they escalated out of control.

5) WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS- CALL THE COPS! It really is the last resort… but that does not mean that you wait until an incident has happened before calling the fuzz. It is far, far better to call the boys in blue and then calm a situation down than to have a fight break out and by the time the police arrive. the offenders are long gone or you need to make a second call for an ambulance. If you announce the police have been called people tend to calm down pretty quick. If the incident abates and the police show up… thank them kindly and offer to buy them a drink when their off duty.

Unless a situation has spiraled completely out of control, try to meet the cops at your doorstep so that you can brief them on the good guys vs. the bad guys and then ask them to segregate offender if possible. No bar owner wants their patrons escorted out of thier bar in handcuffs. The police are professionals, but they are NOT in the customer service industry. Most drunks sober up pretty fast when the police walk in, but those that don’t usually find themselves waking up in the drunk tank.

6) DON’T OVERSERVE TO BEGIN WITH- Often a guest will walk into an establishment having already tied 2 or 5 on. Every time a guest requests a drink (whether you’ve served them previously or not) the smart bartender is looking for the tell tale signs that the guest needs to take a break. Are their eyes glassy? Their speech slurred? Are they overly loud or animated? If you decide they’ve had enough, don’t second guess yourself and don’t serve them one more and tell them that it’s the last one.

I once had a stranger walk into my bar and order a scotch and soda. He seemed perfectly sober to me until I put the drink in front of him. He asked where the bathroom was and suddenly his speech was remarkably slurred and he was wobbling. I immediately removed his untouched drink and directed him to the bathroom. He staggered off the barstool, walked in completely the opposite direction and when he couldn’t figure out how to push open the front door that needed to be pulled open, he rested his head on the wall and peed right there on the floor.

I ran over to open the door for him and as he pushed at the now open door one more time, he staggered forward, fell down and cut his head open on the curb. As a former EMT, I called 911 and stayed with him till the ambulance and police arrived. I was worried the police would be a little skeptical of my version of events. However, another guest had witnessed the entire event and repeated the same version. Had he had even one sip from the drink I served, I would have been personally liable for his fall and the bar owner could have been successfully sued. Lesson learned!

7) ELIMINATE BUYBACKS- “Wha-what!!” Says every pub bartender reading this. “But that’s my bread and butter!”. Right… it is. If you are a lazy or apathetic bartender. The practice of buying a third drink for a guest who has purchased two is remarkably unintelligent. I’ve worked in beer pubs, high volume tourist traps, stuffy hotel bars and ultra fine dining. Any bartender who argues that buybacks are essential to “keeping his regulars happy” may be right, but at what cost?

Any bar owner that supports buybacks is a plain flat outright idiot. Buybacks are terrible for three reasons. One, if you buy every third drink for a guest, you are literally GIVING away 33% of your inventory… for free!! The ONLY person who MIGHT see a return on that investment is the bartender, IF the drunk patron remembers to tip on top of the base check.

Two, if you offer excellent customer service and great quality drinks… the people will come. You don’t want the penny pinching drunks who come exclusively to your bar because they know they can get hammered for cheap. It’s a lose-lose scenario. Not to mention it drives away the good paying customers who are repulsed at the riff-raff stinking up the joint.

Three and most important… you are encouraging people to drink beyond their means. Everyone likes a bargain, but if I’m on the cusp of my drinking limit and you tell me that I can get two more drinks for the price of one… SERIOUSLY?

BTW, to my bartender brethren. Buybacks are essentially stealing. Even if the manager allows it, I bet the owner doesn’t. And the few stupid owner who do, you are not only taking advantage of their incompetence, you are endangering your own your livelihood, the owners bar and the life of your guest. Most states have outlawed such idiotic practices. My advice, instead of being a bad lazy bartender who must rely getting your guests drunk for your tips, try making a better drink or offering better service. Yes, that does mean your job will be a little harder, but way more satisfying.

The “regulars” you lose will be those losers your can’t stand anyhow and the quality of your tips will actually be much higher. Plus, you can sleep at night with a sense of professional pride. Good bartenders do things right and refuse to cut corners. Sometimes that goes unrewarded, but you know as well as I, that for every cheap drunk there is a generous one. The bad bartenders try to pick and choose the good ones don’t have too.

Agree? Disagree? Share your drunk stories with me and I may use your story in a future book. Know your limits and DRINK RESPONSIBLY!!