Large ice cubes are so hot right now, it’s cool. If you don’t have a Kold Draft, Hoshizaki or other large-ice cube machine your cocktail program will never be taken seriously. Every decent cocktail lounge has one, yet corporate America still hasn’t figured it out. It took several decades for the TGIFs, RED ROBINs and MARRIOTTs of the world to finally understand the value proposition of using fresh juices, but when it comes to ice, the corporate giants don’t have the cubes to pony up the dough.

I sympathize with all you bartenders and bar managers who can’t get their penny pinching accountants to spring for this piece of equipment when your current ice machine works perfectly fine. Unfortunately the only way to get the money people on board is to prove to them that it makes financial sense. The good news is that it does make sense financially. And here is why:

1) Large ice cubes have less surface area, and therefore a slower rate of dilution. This means that the last sip of the cocktail tastes almost as great as the first sip… your guests won’t nurse a poor tasting watered down cocktail for 20 minutes before debating to another. Time is money. You will increase check averages as you sell more consistently well made cocktails in a shorter period of time.

2) Large ice cubes take up more space in the glass, which means you use less liquor per cocktail recipe. Smart bar owners know that the real money is in the liquor. If you save a 1/8 oz. of booze per cocktail you’ll pay for your ice machine in a month or two depending on the volume of your establishment.

3) Large cubes look amazing. Your décor, glassware, lighting, bar tools, even your spirits selection are all visual cues to your guests on your commitment to quality. There is a paradigm shift taking place in this county right now. It used to be that having big ice was a novel conversation starter. Now it’s common place (for the reasons listed above). If you don’t have it, you’re behind the times. Guests don’t always consciously notice if you have bad ice, but they sure as heck notice when you put a huge cube or sphere in their rocks glass along with their favorite single malt… it makes a lasting impression.

4) The big-ice machines do cost more, but large cubes are not the only advantage. Most of the better machines have superior filtration systems. Depending on where you are in the country, the local tap water can have a distinct odor or flavor of chorine, sulfur, minerals or salt. Good filtration and non aerated water leads to better tasting cocktails and clear cubes without water bubbles frozen inside.

5) Crushed or blended ice has maximum surface area, dilution and ultimately watered down drinks which can only be balanced by adding more sugar and alcohol. That is not to suggest that crushed ice doesn’t have a place behind the bar. However, if you have room for two ice machines and have to choose between crushed ice and big ice, the choice is obvious.

In short, the accountants need to chill out. Every bar manager who wishes you had a big-ice machine should feel free to forward this article up the corporate ladder. If they still don’t want to spend the coin tell them they can save a ton of money by not having to fix all those broken blenders!

Ever been served a neon green “apple” martini garnished with a “cherry”? UGH!

Forget the fact that the cherry is a bleached, carcinogenic, nasty tasting blob. What I want to understand is how does a “red” CHERRY compliment a green APPLE (liqueur) martini?

I’ll give you a hint… It doesn’t.

I guess they both use high fructose corn syrup and cancer causing food colors, but the similarities end there. The garnish is one of the first things the guest sees when presented with a cocktail and yet is often regarded as a tedious afterthought.

Here are my five criteria for properly garnishing a cocktail:

1) FRESH, FRESH, FRESH- Even if you’re using fruits or herbs that have been infused in syrup or alcohol it must always be fresh. By the way, the word fresh does not apply to wilted herbs or blemished fruit slices. Fresh, looks better, it tastes better, it smells better… enough said.

2) RELEVANT- Your garnish should either directly mirror, compliment or intelligently contrast the other ingredients in the cocktail. Screwdrivers get an orange garnish, Lemon Drops a lemon wedge with sugar rim. I respect a Cosmopolitan garnished with a lemon twist (lemon vodka), a lime wedge (fresh lime juice) or even syrup soaked fresh cranberries (cranberry juice). For the purist, Dale DeGroffs recipe calls for a flamed orange peel which greatly intensify’s the aromatics of the Cointreau (orange triple sec).

3) FUNCTIONAL- Your garnish MUST SERVE A PURPOSE. Adding a pretty flower to a drink adds to the visual, but unless its edible and contributes to the aromatics or balance of cocktail, it has no business in the drink. A cinnamon stick can double as a swizzle stick (if cut to the right length) and if you are going to add a slice of fresh lime, make sure its a wedge, never the wheel. The lime wheel looks gorgeous, but ultimately serves no purpose. If a guest tries to squeeze the wheel into their drink to add a little acidity, the best they can hope for is 4-5 drops of fresh lime juice and sticky fingers.

4) BEAUTIFUL- Notice that this is NOT my first criteria. Yes, a garnish should always be beautiful, always. However, it should have equal importance to the items above. Many bartenders will add a garnish to their drink simply because its required without giving thought to its visual impact. Moreover, the garnish should be beautifully consistent. If you are serving three of the same cocktail, the garnishes should all look virtually identical in size, color, shape and orientation on the glass (2 o’clock relative to the guest).

5) PROPORTIONAL SIZE- The only thing more annoying that a huge grapefruit wheel hanging over the lip of a thin chimney glass is a tiny lime sliver perched on the rim of a wide martini glass. Your garnish should look visually proportional to the size of the glass that you are using.

It’s time professional barmen embrace the garnish. It’s not a chore, its not an afterthought. The key to consistency is mis en place. If you cut your garnishes in advance of your shift (and keep them moist and fresh looking) you should be able to consistently kick out garnishes in volume. Of course if time permits, nothing makes a better impression than cutting a garnish fresh right in front of the guest.

To TIP or not to TIP? That is the question!

I heard a story today about a woman who ate at a restaurant, then left no tip along with a note explaining that she was on a fixed income. Most readers have a very strong opinion on weather she was justified in her actions. For those of you who think she is in the right, would it make a difference if I mentioned that she was seventeen years old? Either way, read on…

First and foremost, lets define our terms. What most Americans think is a TIP is actually a gratuity. A gratuity is an optional compensation added onto a check at the end of a service experience to say thank you for your time and effort. Whereas, a TIP literally means To-Insure-Promptness and is given upon arrival at an establishment to the person you want to look after you (an upfront bribe of sorts). Once we adopt the right word, the inevitable debate ensues… how much gratuity is appropriate? 10%? 15%? 20%? More?

It is important to note that with fifty different states in the USA, their are fifty different laws that govern the minimum wage for the service industry. In Washington state, for example, they are discussing a minimum wage of $15 per hour. Many residents of that state are complaining that since servers would then be getting a living wage, gratuity should be eliminated all together.

New York, on the other hand can legally pay its servers only HALF of the national minimum wage. When I opened PER SE restaurant in 2004 they had a Service Compre policy, the price on the menu was the price you paid (plus tax). I received a handsome hourly wage and was not allowed to accept extra.

Thanks to Ronald Regan and his TIP-TAX law, the federal government has declared that (at the individual states discretion) tipped employees may be paid 50% of the national minimum wage because they supplement their income with TIPS (yes… I mean gratuities, but I didn’t write the “TIP”-TAX law). Further, the law assumes that all ‘TIPPED’ employees are making at least 8% gratuity and must pay a minimum tax on that 8%. And while most servers make more than 8% gratuities annually in extra income, they are legally obligated to report the extra it to the IRS.

Getting back to our cheapskate 17 year old. She would argue that because the gratuity is optional and she can’t afford it, then she shouldn’t have to pay extra for the right to eat there… and in fact, legally, she would be right.

HOWEVER, when you leave a zero gratuity you are FORCING your server to pay 8% taxes on ZERO INCOME which by anybody’s standards makes you inconsiderate to say the least. So yes… gratuities ARE optional and you should always leave at least 8%… UNLESS you genuinely have a good excuse. For example, YOUR server was blatantly insulting or rude (and not because you left a zero gratuity). Even then, many servers pool tips or must tip out their back server or busboy. Why should those other workers lose gratuities because your server stinks? And, more importantly, why should you have to fork over extra dough for a bad experience?

I have a suggested solution. Applying my 30 plus years in the industry, here is my personal rules on leaving a gratuity:

Leave 0%: for the most extreme cases where a server was obnoxiously rude or insulting. I leave them nothing WITH a complaint to management. If you don’t complain then everyone thinks you’re cheap and no lesson is learned. Most people HATE confrontation and hate to complain, but if you simply leave, some of the more oblivious bad servers will think you are a cheap bastard. And once you walk out the door, the details of your service are generally forgotten (so don’t bother calling to complain when you get home).

Leave 0-8%: for lazy or apathetic servers who have an attitude or just don’t care about the quality of their work. Again, if you just walk out the door without letting a manager know why you gave a poor gratuity, they think you’re the ass and spit in your food if you ever come back (not that I ever did).

Leave 8-15%: is for bad service where the server was trying but failed. If they are new or incompetent it’s true that you shouldn’t have to suffer, still they are trying. Have a heart and leave a little something so they are not literally paying the government to learn their less-than-minimum-wage job.

Leave 15-20%: for good, unobtrusive service where any complaints you may have about the restaurant have nothing to do with the service. I have met many customers who reduce the servers gratuity because they thought the manager or ambiance was bad.

Worse, I know a lot of people that vehemently think their server should be entertaining to get a good gratuity. Really? News flash: Servers are in the Customer SERVICE Industry not the ENTERTAINMENT Industry (although we all know a waiter or ten who is an actor on the side). If you are entertained, BONUS, thank them accordingly by leaving an extra gratuity.

Leave 25%+: On the rare occasions when the service exceeds expectations along with a compliment to the manager on the way out. A compliment means just as much to a great server as a complaint does to a bad one.

Finally, for those of you out there with a legitimate fixed income. I get it. I used to be a poor student living on broccoli with garlic sauce. However, I suggest that if you can’t afford 8% on top of the check, then you simply can’t afford to eat there. Can you eat there legally? Yes, of course. Are you a bad person if you deliberately go into a restaurant and can’t afford a minimum gratuity… yes, you are. And that goes double for you penny pinching millionaires our there who don’t tip on the wine service when it is properly done… you know who you are!

Don’t agree? Tell me why?